Written in journal in April. When I told dad that I was considering moving back to Ontario he said, “well you’ve done what you went out there to do” or something to that effect. Have I? I saw the Pacific Ocean, check, and while it only lasted three and a half years I did indeed find work. Is that really all I came out here to do? If so then yes, but I’d like to think there is something more. I think that, and it’s only in the last three months of my forty-seven months here, I did learn several other things.
The first, and easiest to describe, is my ability to live with less. Even when I first came out here I was anchored to Ontario, and then to my condo, with the “stuff” that filled all the corners of my world. It was only in February of this year that I learned to value what was truly important to me and to devalue what wasn’t. I now have my entire life down to the size of my truck and I see little need to possess more than that.
Next up I learned, or more accurately became away of some hard lessons about my personality – some good and some bad. I won’t say I’ve learned anything as I’m still trying to sort it but I do believe that the choices I make in life and environment have a lot of influence on me.
The third thing I have learned is that when I make plans and do so against my “gut feelings” that they rarely work out. In fact, I think it is safe to say that they ‘never’ work out. I have dictate so much of my life based on the opinions of others. Now you may disagree but that’s because on the “larger scale” m life makes brave fundamental shifts. Those shifts are when I follow the path that appears before me no matter how different it is from the ‘norm’. It is in those shifts that I am free and in sync with the universe. And then, when things are going well I dig in my heels and try to remain in my “comfort zone” and that’s when the path becomes rugged.
The fourth thing I’ve learned is that one can find their spiritual connection wherever they are. You don’t need an ancient redwood forest to connect with nature. It is true the energy you feel may, will, be very different between a park in the city and a great uninhabited forest but the important thing is to still feel the energy and the connection. Now, I had learned that in the past but I have a point of reference. I have stood in a park in the middle of a city of millions and I have stood on the edge of a great forest with not a soul in sight. It is all about awareness and connection to your immediate surroundings.
The fifth thing I’ve learned is that I can achieve my goals only if I step outside of my comfort zone. If you had come to me when I was 13 years old and told me some day I would drive over 4,600 kilometres just to see the ocean I probably would have pointed out to you the fact that I didn’t have a car much less a driver’s license. And now, thirty-three years later I’m wondering how long it would take to drive to Halifax. The most disheartening limitations placed on your goals are usually put there by yourself.
The sixth thing I’ve learned is that I hate retail. Yes, I need to work in it because I’m experienced and it pays the bills but that doesn’t mean I love it. I’ve been in retail pretty much since I was 16 years old. I had a feeling last year that I was fed up with it and it has only become stronger this year.
April 25, 2017
I thought I would write today about a few of my experiences with the paranormal. I will tell you briefly that in the past thirty years I have had many experiences treading near the line between darkness and light. I think the best references to describe my abilities are to refer you to the book “This Present Darkness” by Frank E. Peretti, the Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, and the metaphysical experiences documented concerning Saint Francis of Assisi. I’m sure there are other examples I can think of but for now these will help you.
CASE: 2017, The child with the allergic touch.
First, the most recent, took place earlier this year in Nordegg. I was working alone in the store and went back to clean the washrooms. I took a cleaning rag and some Lemonee to clean the rooms. The lemonee was product I had used before so I know it wasn’t the cause and I was careful not to get it on my hands. I cleaned the bathroom as usual. I didn’t feel the presence of any spirit or entity in the rooms but I did have a feeling when I got back up to the front counter that I was being watched.
It was maybe a few minutes later I noticed a red mark on my arm but it didn’t really register as anything and it was kind of blurry. It was a bit itchy but nothing else. About half an hour or so later a co-worker had shown up and by then the mark on my arm had become more distinctive. I continued to ignore it until, I think it was maybe the next day, that the rash had formed into three distinctive marks.
I showed it to a co-worker who immediately came to the same conclusion that I did. The marks resembled three small fingers almost as though a child had grabbed my arm, but a child with an allergic touch. The rash marks remained there for a week and I was concerned at one point that they would scar the tissue. It wasn’t until I left the store, literally, that the rash disappeared almost entirely within a day leaving just a light pink pale mark behind for a few more days.
I know many of you are probably still thinking it was just a reaction to the cleaner, that I had somehow gotten it on my arm, but I’ve included photos in this blog to show you the rash as it appeared after about a week. I asked four people to look at it and three of them immediately identified the marks as looking like fingers before I said anything. Two of them even took their hand and placed their fingers over the marks to see if they matched up. I think initially my skin reacted with a red almost bulbous mark, two or three, then as the redness went down it showed the almost scarring underneath the red flush.
Like I said I didn’t see or feel anything when I was in the bathrooms cleaning, it was almost a delayed reaction to having something grab me on my arm enough to leave an impression. It is my belief that one of the entities that haunt the town and store property was trying to tell me something. I don’t know if it was just trying to say, ‘get out’ or just ‘hello’ and didn’t know it would mark me physically… or maybe it did and it knew I’d take it more seriously.
I have never had this type of physical manifestation happen before or since my move from Nordegg.
CASE: 1994, Leaning into a demon
I’ve told this story a few times before to close friends and I’ve decided it should go into this blog entry because it was really one of my closest contacts ever with evil.
In 1994, I was dating a woman and on our dates, we would frequent a well known park in Bramalea, Ontario. We would sit in the parking lot for hours and just talk, yeah, I know I was a cheap date, but it was still romantic. Anyways, a couple times we would trek up the nearby hill in the dusk to sit and look at the golden lights of the city all around us.
Now, those of you who know me know that I have an ability (which I believe everyone does) to see positive and negative entities or energies. You can call them angels and demons or whatever you like but I tend to just stick with energies.
We got up to the top of the hill and started getting, shall we say amorous. To be exact she leaned into me and we kissed. We were right next to a shed on the top of the hill, a service building for the ski hill, and I decided to lean back against it for leverage.
She was leaning into me, and when my back touched the wall of the shed I felt this intense wave of energy. For a moment, I saw the most dark, evil looking entity I’d ever seen inside that shed. The pulse was so strong that it went through me and through her. She felt it and even said she had felt a strong wave of a bad feeling pass through her. We both quickly headed back down the hill to our car. Along the way, I could see or sense small entities or demons or whatever along our path. It was as though they knew I could see and sense them and when I looked in the direction of them they would recoil from me. I don’t know if it was my ability to see them or the fact I had seen the one up on the hill but it was clear that this was not a good place to be. I have some experiences, shall we say, walking on the line between the dark and light and I think the dark side of things doesn’t like I can see them and resist them. We got in our car and quickly left the park.
I could describe it, but I believe that negative energy or whatever manifests itself in forms that our brains hold references to. So, for example, if you don’t know what a demon looks like you might see just a shadow, or you might see a red monster with horns, or whatever. You will see whatever your brain understands you to see. In my thirty some years of being able to sense or see these things this was probably the most intense incident I have experienced so far.
CASE: A stranger beside me
I believe it was around 1991 and I was visiting a Christian friend of mine in Owen Sound. I note that she was Christian because we’d had, together as a group of about five of us, varying degrees of personal experiences dealing with demons, angels and the dark and light forces in the world.
She was, what we call, a “born again Christian” one of these people who has re-discovered “the word” and has decided it is their mission in life to sign everyone else up. Whatever, anyways, at the time I was identifying myself as Agnostic and while I did believe in angels and demons I didn’t believe in much else.
Anyways, I was at her place one day, and for a Christian she seemed to get a lot of visits from dark entities, many of whom I could see, that would cause various problems for her – think of them as tricksters or party poltergeists and it feels more believable somehow. I had just gotten into some sort of argument with her, she was probably trying to shove her beliefs down my throat again, and I’d gotten up and walked into the other room to take a breather.
I was sitting on the sofa in the livingroom. I was on the left end of the 6-8-foot sofa and the nearest window was on the right end of the sofa a couple feet away. I was feeling in sort of a dark place emotionally and I was just staring forward into the room. Then, out of the corner of my right eye, between me and the window I could see a sort of dark (but light) shadow just as it sat down on the sofa. I could see it reach toward my right shoulder with it’s left hand. Just as it was about to touch me I turned my head, stared straight at the spot where I felt it was and gave a most glaring stare that clearly said “No”. I felt the energy recoil from me and wisp out the window.
I don’t think it was trying to hurt me, in fact I felt it was trying to comfort me but I just wasn’t in the frame of mind to be receptive to it.
CASE: At the foot of my bed
One of my earliest brushes with the paranormal was when I was just a kid. I think perhaps I was maybe I the 8 to 11 age range but honestly, I can’t remember anymore, so that would put it about 1980. I was in my bedroom, it was late, but I believe I had either fallen asleep or was nearly asleep.
I felt something at the foot of my bed. I sat up straight and stared at a white-ish gray light at the foot of my bed. I still remember sitting there, frozen, I didn’t dare speak I just didn’t know what to do. It remained there for about five to ten seconds and then dashed to the left toward the closed door. I saw a flicker of light in the crack under the door and it was gone.
Was it just a dream or my imagination? I don’t know since I was quite young and had no frame of reference to guide me.
April 18, 2017
In the past couple weeks, several you have been asking what my plan is going forward.
In February 2017, I was relieved of my position in Nordegg and I have been staying temporarily in Red Deer looking for work. I have applied to over three dozen jobs and while the jobs may be posted there are literally hundreds of people applying for only a few positions – the unemployment rate is over 8.5% right now (down from over 9% at the end of 2016).
At the beginning of May, I have decided to take at least a week “vacation” from looking for work and to travel to Ontario to reconnect with friends and family. Since I won’t be receiving any benefits for that week from unemployment I need to decide rather quickly whether the trip there will become a permanent one or not.
In the last six months, I have grown “homesick” for Ontario. I miss my family and friends. I miss the culture and the feeling of Ontario. It has been about eighteen months since I went on vacation there back in September 2015 and I feel that a lot has changed, both with me and with Ontario, in my absence.
I know many of us from Ontario who moved to Alberta said they are “never going back”. Well, I think most of the people who are not going back there also have families here in Alberta with them. It is one thing to move across the country with your spouse and kids and build a new life versus trekking out into the unknown and leaving everything behind. It’s not that I’m reneging on my words or that I am a hypocrite. I believe that when you try something new you should commit to it one hundred percent and that’s exactly what I tried to do in my move to Alberta.
So, where am I at?
Well, my only “official plan” right now is to visit Ontario and then decide. I should know around the 15th of May whether I am going to commit to a relocation back to Ontario or not. I have spent the last week weighing the pros and cons of living out west and I will be honest with you and say that so far, I am only at about twenty-five percent in favour of remaining in Alberta.
I wrote about how I like retail only in that it pays the bills and puts food on the table. I would like to pursue some re-training if I move back to Ontario, probably in the field of security or tourism. I would also like to pursue my abilities in freelance online writing and photography and see if I can not turn these hobbies into viable career options.
Could I do these things out here in Alberta? Yes, but I think that, for starters, the tourism industry is developed far better in Ontario than it will ever be in Alberta, and second, I refer to the feeling of being homesick and that won’t go away if I remain here.
So, that is where I am at. For now, I’m going to “visit” Ontario and then we will see what we see.
April 18, 2017
When I told someone that I know that I was considering a move back to Ontario they said “well, you’ve done what you went out there to do” or something to that effect. Have I? I saw the Pacific Ocean, check, and while it only lasted three and a half years I did indeed find work. Is that all that I came out here to do? If so, then yes, but I’d like to think there is something more. I think that, and it’s only in the last three months of my forty-seven months here, I did learn several other things.
The first, and easiest to describe, is my ability to live with less. Even when I first came out here I was anchored to Ontario, and then to my duplex here, with the “stuff” that filled all the corners of my world. It was only in February of this year that I learned to value what was truly important to me and to devalue what wasn’t. I now have my entire life possessions down to the size of my truck and I see little need to possess more than that.
Next up I learned, or more accurately, became aware of some hard lessons about my personality – some good and some bag. I won’t say I have learned anything solid yet as I’m still trying to sort it out but I do believe that the choices I make in life and environment have a lot of influence.
The third thing that I have learned is that when I make plans and do so against my “gut feelings” that they rarely work out. In fact, I think it is safe to say that they ‘never’ work out. I have dictated so much of my life based on the opinions of others. Now you may disagree but that’s because on the “larger scale” my life makes brave fundamental shifts. These shifts are when I follow the path that appears before me no matter how different it is from the “norm”. It is in those shifts that I am freer and in sync with the universe. And then, when things are going well I seem to dig in my heels and try to remain in my “comfort zone” and that’s when the path becomes rugged.
The fourth thing I’ve learned is that one can find their spiritual connection wherever they are. You don’t need an ancient forest to connect with nature. It is true that the energy you feel may, will, vary between a park in the city and a great uninhabited forest but the important thing is the “feel” the energy and the connection. Now, I have understood that in the past but now I have a point of reference. I have stood in a park in the middle of a city of millions and I have stood on the edge of a great forest with not a soul in sight for kilometres. It is all about awareness and connection.
The fifth thing I’ve learned is that I can achieve my goals if I step outside of my comfort zone. If you had come to me when I was thirteen years old and told me some day I would drive over four-thousand six hundred kilometres just to see the ocean I probably would have pointed out the fact that I didn’t own a car much less a driver’s license. And now, thirty-three years later I am wonde3ring how long it would take to drive to Halifax. The most disheartening limitations placed on your goals are usually put there by yourself.
And, while this certainly doesn’t help my efforts at finding a job, the sixth thing I have learned is that I do not love retail. I’ve been in retail pretty much since I was sixteen years old. I had a feeling last year that I was starting to get fed up with it and it has only become stronger in recent months. It is challenging because, for the most part, it is all that I have really immersed myself in during my life. I have other skills, ones that I would like to experiment with more and see what I can do with them. I am a freelance writer, I’m good at taking either point form or basic sentences and turning them into paragraphs that are readable. I am an amateur photographer and I have uploaded over four thousand photos onto Flickr since 2011. I would like to get into more domestic photography, things like location photos for websites and helping people sell their services or products online. I currently have several websites, including this one, on the go and don’t charge for the service of updating and maintaining them. I could develop that more and evolve it beyond the hobby stage into something that makes money. If I really wanted to. I like retail because it pays the bills and keeps a roof over my head but it certainly is not my passion.
The seventh thing I have learned is that you will not “find yourself” by going somewhere different. While traveling across the country is an adventure that I recommend everyone do it will not help you to discover who you really are inside. This refers to my point concerning spirituality. You can travel to the most exotic locations in the world but it doesn’t mean that what is inside of you will change – that is up to you. I have seen the other side of the country, well two sides now actually, and I think it might be time to go back “home” and re-ground myself before my next adventure – wherever that is.
Freelance Online Writer, Amateur Photographer, Social Media Consultant, Website Content Manager