I’ve been putting off re-writing my book for some time now. I came up with a book of my poems under a pseudonym a few years back now and, as expected, it bombed miserably. I think I might have sold 2 or 3 copies out of the small press run of 100. I decided that I would re-write the book and this time include my name on the front of it, perhaps if it was written by someone people knew then it might sell more? It’s a reasonable hypothesis, but then, on the flip side that could also discourage it from selling at all.
I had a re-write completed, but for some reason when I edited it over to Word it duplicated parts of it, not all of it though because that would make sense. I found about a dozen poems had been duplicated. Of course, I didn’t make this realization before wasting time on a publisher’s proof of the book which set me back at least a month – that was over a year ago, and everyone is still waiting.
So why has it taken so long for me to edit it. Well, several factors really.
The first is that I know there’s not enough poems to fill a book. I need at least 75 though my preferred number would be 100. I just did a count of single copies of poetry and prose and it came to 67 (only 45 of those are actual poems). This means I will need to come up with about 35 new poems or prose to achieve my goal.
The second factor has been time. It’s not that I don’t have time but with the abundance of spare time also comes the lack of inspiration in many cases. This means that I must find a time when inspiration to write and spare time to type come together at the same point in the universe. This hasn’t happened too often up to this point. Last year, for example, I was working my ass off from March through to September to the point where every minute I did have free the last thing I wanted to do was dig through piles of papers or thoughts. I have free time now, but as I noted the other day I will need to take that time outside in the fresh air and sunshine because otherwise I will not find any inspiration in a basement apartment with only a single two by three-foot window looking out on the bottom of a deck for a view.
The third factor is inspiration itself. Many of my poems and prose were written during times in my life that were tumultuous and unstable. One could say that right now, being unemployed, that this would be one of those times but it really isn’t. I continue to look for work daily but I’m financially stable enough and thankfully receiving insurance that I do not feel, at least currently, at risk or in peril – ask me again in six months.
I don’t know, I would have to say that a significant factor, and really a part of the third – inspiration, is that I am lacking a muse now. I looked back on several of my poems and I can recall a person or people or even events in my life at that time that lead to the writing of the poem. I am currently single, not seeing or interested in anyone really, and I am separated from friends and family who are back in Ontario. I would love to meet my muse, she’s out there somewhere looking for me too I think -it’s just a matter of time. Isn’t it always just a matter of time.
My life is not so set and balanced that I can sit down and write twenty poems right now. I have found that I am unpredictable. Take for example if someone needs me to write them a paragraph on something or another. I will wait until just before it is due, write, edit maybe once and submit it to them. Whereas when it comes to writing something for myself even if I set a deadline I find myself dragging my feet or pen – in this case. I don’t know why, but it has led to taking over a year to get this – prepaid I might add – book completed.
So, does this mean now that I have written about it that I will see the err of my ways and strive to complete it by some point soon? Probably not.
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