I'm not sure if I have published this before so I thought I'd take the opportunity to do it now. Again, maybe.
Written in journal in April. When I told dad that I was considering moving back to Ontario he said, “well you’ve done what you went out there to do” or something to that effect. Have I? I saw the Pacific Ocean, check, and while it only lasted three and a half years I did indeed find work. Is that really all I came out here to do? If so then yes, but I’d like to think there is something more. I think that, and it’s only in the last three months of my forty-seven months here, I did learn several other things.
The first, and easiest to describe, is my ability to live with less. Even when I first came out here I was anchored to Ontario, and then to my condo, with the “stuff” that filled all the corners of my world. It was only in February of this year that I learned to value what was truly important to me and to devalue what wasn’t. I now have my entire life down to the size of my truck and I see little need to possess more than that.
Next up I learned, or more accurately became away of some hard lessons about my personality – some good and some bad. I won’t say I’ve learned anything as I’m still trying to sort it but I do believe that the choices I make in life and environment have a lot of influence on me.
The third thing I have learned is that when I make plans and do so against my “gut feelings” that they rarely work out. In fact, I think it is safe to say that they ‘never’ work out. I have dictate so much of my life based on the opinions of others. Now you may disagree but that’s because on the “larger scale” m life makes brave fundamental shifts. Those shifts are when I follow the path that appears before me no matter how different it is from the ‘norm’. It is in those shifts that I am free and in sync with the universe. And then, when things are going well I dig in my heels and try to remain in my “comfort zone” and that’s when the path becomes rugged.
The fourth thing I’ve learned is that one can find their spiritual connection wherever they are. You don’t need an ancient redwood forest to connect with nature. It is true the energy you feel may, will, be very different between a park in the city and a great uninhabited forest but the important thing is to still feel the energy and the connection. Now, I had learned that in the past but I have a point of reference. I have stood in a park in the middle of a city of millions and I have stood on the edge of a great forest with not a soul in sight. It is all about awareness and connection to your immediate surroundings.
The fifth thing I’ve learned is that I can achieve my goals only if I step outside of my comfort zone. If you had come to me when I was 13 years old and told me some day I would drive over 4,600 kilometres just to see the ocean I probably would have pointed out to you the fact that I didn’t have a car much less a driver’s license. And now, thirty-three years later I’m wondering how long it would take to drive to Halifax. The most disheartening limitations placed on your goals are usually put there by yourself.
The sixth thing I’ve learned is that I really do not like working in retail. Yes, I need to work in it because I’m experienced and it pays the bills but that doesn’t mean I love it. Experience wise I could probably run a large retail outlet or a chain of stores but it's not where my passion lies. I’ve been in retail pretty much since I was 16 years old. I had a feeling last year that I was fed up with it and it has only become stronger this year. I kind of wish I had pursued becoming a history teacher, or instructor or trainer of some type even if it involved retail. The other option, which has been lost to not so great eyesight and being out of shape was to be a law enforcement officer. I guess I could still be an Auxiliary cop or Peace officer or even a security guard... I guess.
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