May 13, 2017
I am heading down a path now that I believe is a positive one that will, eventually, bring some stability and direction to my life.
It was a rural road intersection somewhere in Saskatchewan that I first felt that heading back to Ontario for a visit was a good thing to do. I have been very homesick for my home province, my friends and family members and the familiarity of south-western Ontario where I’ve spent much of my life. I have been thinking a lot lately about my plans for the immediate future. I was a bit concerned that I might be relying too much on faith to bring me happiness but at that moment I started to feel like I was moving forward.
I have made a few decisions while I have been here on vacation (vacation meaning I am not drawing any Employment Insurance during) and some changes are starting to happen in my life.
I had made every effort I could to make Alberta my home but I just never truly felt ‘at home’ there. I have a couple theories as to why but they do not really matter so I will not bother writing about them here. The point is that I feel I belong, at least for now, back in Ontario.
For now, I am a ‘temporary resident’ until I get everything sorted for an official move back here. Once I establish an address and, hopefully only temporarily, start drawing on employment insurance again I will need to make it all official. The jobless rate is significantly lower here than it now is in Alberta so, like over nineteen thousand people last year, it was time for me to return home to Ontario. It may seem like an easy thing to do, after all Alberta and Ontario are provinces in the same country but sometimes it feels like you are moving to another planet when it comes to paperwork. I am not going to dwell on that in this entry though, I want to tell you about a couple more moments of insightfulness I have had lately.
I have been here since the 2nd of May so the other stories I should tell you may seem to jump around a bit. It does not really matter when they happened suffice to say that they all happened following my arrival in Ontario.
The other day I visited a friend of mine where I will be staying starting next week. Now, I will preface this story with the fact that I have been reading The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, for the second time, so story could be attributed to several factors that are enhanced by reading that novel.
I was sitting for a few minutes, alone on the front porch, and thinking about my decision to stay at my friends’ place. I asked myself if the shift in my path was the right one for me.
I looked around and everything in the yard, the trees, the grass, and even the material items like a vehicle and a lawn chair, had a sharp almost crystal clear look to them. This was unusual, but not, because my glasses are not the most accurate prescription for me and add a couple years’ scratches and all too often there is a slight blur to things.
I say it is not entirely unusual because of the book I am reading. I have had and have experience in seeing the world as it was meant to be seen. In that moment, I felt and saw a clarity that could not be denied. I knew right then that I was supposed to be there. It was not the first time I had ‘felt’ something like this in my life but I will go into that another time.
In the past two weeks, I have felt several times that I had returned ‘home’ that the roads and streets and avenues I drove down felt comforting to me. And there is the reconnection to friends, no more emailing and messaging from thousands of kilometres away, now, money willing, I can drive just an hour or two to see them again.
In that moment, on the porch, I saw things with the same clarity I had on the day I asked my ex- for a divorce. I recall telling her, then getting in my car and driving to the store. I remember how all the trees and plants and everything was so clear and sharp, like I was seeing the world with new eyes. I understood then, as I do now, that this clarity means I had chosen wisely of some decision presented to me.
I was planning a day out in the park and my father and I were talking about how the trilliums would be in bloom soon. Now, around here about ninety-nine-point five percent of the trilliums are white, it is why the trillium is Ontario’s official flower (at least it was when I went to school, who knows now). It is very rare to see a red trillium. We talked about it briefly and I thought to myself ‘I would like to see a red one, it would make a great photo’.
I went first to Harrison Park, then drove over to Inglis Falls to take some nature photos. I discovered that they had expanded the trail system beyond the bridge and into the forest and while I was short on time I decided to take a short walk down the path. It was maybe twenty metres along that I looked off to the right and there it was – the only trillium open actually – a red trillium. Not only was it the only trillium in sight in bloom but a red one. Coincidence? Perhaps. I will note that, today, a week later, I have seen several stands of trees (over ten) filled with white trillium blooms. This one rare red one was chance that I happened to be there that day and close enough to the path to get a great close-up photo of it.
Yesterday I was at Sauble Falls and decided that, since I paid $5.25 to park in a Provincial Park (I thought park admissions were supposed to be free this year, I guess they soak you on the parking fees instead, it was better than the $15.75 they wanted for an ‘all day’ pass on the other side of the river) that I would use all my two hours I paid for. I got out my copy of the Celestine Prophecy and did some reading. At one moment, I looked up toward the forest in front of my truck. The sunlight was beaming down through the trees to the underbrush and pine needles and everything appeared clear and clean. I felt a connection to the forest that I rarely ever felt in the past few years, I can not recall the last time I took a walk in the forest in Alberta. I missed the connection I always felt in the forest and here it was right in front of me once again.
The other day I was in Harrison Park and I sat for a few minutes to take photos of Canada Geese. I have always had an ability to communicate with animals (deer, dogs, cats), and with birds (ravens, geese, and chickadees though they might just be particularly friendly by nature). Through a brief conversation of reassuring words to them the geese allowed me to sit within only a couple metres of them and their young goslings. I took several photos that I will be posting in my collection on Flickr as soon as I have a decent internet connection. It was the second time I had been to the park in a week and taken the opportunity to chat with and photograph the local geese.
I can not recall any more times right now and it is very late. I want to get some more reading done before bed so I will end this off for now.
Follow your bliss.
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