I am breaking a cardinal rule of mine and I will be talking about both the past and the present now in this blog. It was my rule before not to discuss current issues because people might read them and think they are somehow related to it. But I really do not care anymore. I am tired of censoring myself to that degree. Sure I will not go into too much detail on other people or life today but I am opening up more of myself.
Another note, it has been a while since I included others' names into a blog so I need to create a whole new listing of nicknames for people. So if you read about people in my past here know that they will all be receiving new nicknames from here forth. It was just easier to come up with a new list than search through years of blog entries to re-build one.
Do you ever get the feeling you meet someone again for a reason?
So years, I mean YEARS back, around 2003, I was living in an apartment on Harbour Street. There was a woman living there who I was attracted to but never got the courage up to ask out. Her name, for this blog, will be Canon. I know a terrible nickname.
So yesterday, I am helping a customer who looked familiar. Turns out it was Canon. At first I just helped her buy a printer (yes, that is how I came up with the nickname, I know not very original at all), but we both kept talking to each other. Then she went away and did some shopping. As she walked past my area, and me, again I stopped her and asked if we knew each other.
We were able to establish how we did. When I asked just casually if she was 'married with kids now', she said no kids and she had a "partner". It is a guy, so what is a partner? Did she mean like common law? I did not ask, but she made a point to say "partner". OK, so no chance there. I said I was "single... divorced". I do not know why I said that. I have not been "divorced" in over fifteen years. I mean, I am divorced, but it is such a stigma. She immediately apologized and I awkwardly said how it was okay because I was divorced before I moved into the building on Harbour Street. Thinking to myself 'why the hell did you bring that up then, you are single, that is all'. I will go into that more in another blog, hopefully soon.
She said how she rarely shopped in my store because she liked to buy local. I pointed out that while it was a good idea to buy local if you go to the competition you'd pay three to five times as much for the same thing. It is nice idea to shop local but they often take advantage. I had a customer the other day who came into my store looking for an item. We had it on the shelf for $7. He proceeded to tell me that the competitor across the street wanted $24 for the exact same thing. He was willing to pay $12 but thought $24 was ridiculous. It is, it is three times the price we were charging.
After telling me twice how she did not shop at my store she said, and I barely caught it, that "she would have to shop here more" in the future. I certainly hope she does because I really bombed this first re-impression. I would like to see her again and talk with her more just to get to know 'someone' more. And I believe people meet for a reason or re-connect for a reason.
I proceeded to do the retail shuffle where we start to step away move. It is the one we do when we know the person is in a hurry and wants to get back to shopping... and she kept re engaging me through eye contact or just saying something. It was almost like she wanted to keep talking, but to be honest I did not have much more to say to someone I barely knew and had not seen in fifteen years. But I wanted to... there was some connection there... or maybe I just imagined it? It is hard to tell these days what people's intentions are.
It was the way she said "partner", not boyfriend, not husband, not common law... I always associate "partner" with what someone calls their gay spouse or someone they are not as emotionally attached to... like a couple who is separating or something... but everyone has their own interpretations. I looked it up and even google says it is a partner of the same gender (our politically correct way of saying a gay boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse), but this was a guy. She laughed at the notion of having kids, but that would be from the desire not to, as a gay person would not let the lack of a partner's biology stop them in most cases I would think.
I did look up the term, and like I said today things have different meanings than what I grew up with. Our society used to be such a simple road to navigate but it seems today words get mingled together in their definitions making the definitions even harder to remember.
Rather than go deep into it I will just refer you to this article about it. To be honest, I did not find "significant other" that hard to explain... but apparently nowadays things must be labelled yet again even simpler. I do not know if that was Canon's intention but I am just saying that is my interpretation of our society. Here is the article.
And there was the re engaging the conversation. I know I lingered a bit, but I did show clear intention to leave the conversation I think. And I mean, what was I supposed to do, ask a stranger with a 'partner' out for coffee... we would have nothing to talk about because we barely spoke back then. Well, that is to say nothing 'old' to talk about. I could certainly establish a new friendship with someone but too often people base their futures on their past. Back then she was beautiful (and still is) I flirted when I could but we never really engaged in any conversation. I think I mostly saw her coming and going for work. I wonder, if I did not have my name tag on would she have even remembered my name. I remembered her face, and when she said her name I said I was positive I knew the name... and I did. I find her real name quite beautiful, in its many forms, it is one of my favourite names for a girl.
I should have asked her more questions, but my workplace discourages socializing... so the environment was great for a conversation but lousy for one too. Maybe she was just friendly because I was helpful with buying a printer, or tried to be at least. I told her the two I had owned and why the one she chose was good.
I am trying to get myself re-connected with the spiritual universe. I used to have very strong connections to it and some abilities I'd like back... and I know the connections are still there.
With my current job... I learned from out west that I should not let my job consume me, especially now with so little bills and need for a big paycheque. The universe keeps providing when I need it. There is an issue with my truck exhaust that needs fixed (every year there is one significant issue which usually ends up costing me between $500-1,000 to fix. I do not really complain though as it could be worse for a thirteen year old vehicle), not sure how much it will cost, but I got two tax returns this month totalling $409 which definitely helps. I believe in the law of attraction, the problem is I have this little check system that gets in my way of just letting go and getting back into the flow of the universe.
To get back to meeting Canon again. I do not think this is some opportunity to pursue my past feelings for her. I think it is part of a bigger picture of my reconnecting with the universe. I have been watching youtube shows of a psychic medium named John Edward that I watched almost religiously back in the 90s. I am trying to take a few steps back (years wise) to find out where I stepped out of the river and on to this rocky shore. To do that I must go way back and work my way forward, if you are lucky or just bored I might even bring you along.
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