May 27, 2017
I have denied for many years that our dreams can show us the path we are supposed to take in this life to lead us to our destiny. I guess it was because, until about a year ago, I did not believe that our lives were pre-determined. No that is not to say we have no choice we still have our free will, we can still choose paths on our own, going against our intuitions, but all this inevitably does is delay us from reaching our destination.
A couple times over the years I have been curious about dreams and dream interpretation. I have glanced through a few books on it and while the dictionary interpretations sometimes match up with events in my life most of them seemed illusive.
The reason I bring up this subject this year is because I recently read in a book how our dreams can show us what our life vision was meant to be. I do not think they are clear enough to say, “hey go this way” or “hey do not do that or else” but in their own way they give us glimpses of our destiny. I believe now that the interpretations of dreams, while concerning the dream you just had, deal with the entire timeline of your lives. It is possible that what the dream is trying to tell you right now is the answer to a question which you had many lives ago but has since been buried by fear and uncertainty.
I am reminded of a dream that I had which, only a night or maybe two, out of a year, spanned over the period of about eight years. I dreamt of a large, white siding, two storey mansion, it was built on the side of a small hill with the main road running past it just through a yard of dense foliage. I remember when I first got married that the house was well kept, the siding clean, the trim painted and the lawn somewhat maintained.
Each time I dreamt of the house it seemed to age, the siding wasn’t as crisp, the trim had paint flecking off and the weeds and underbrush grew ever more dominant on the yard. As the verbal battles between my, now ex, and I ensued I recall having this dream again over the years. Half way through our marriage I remember how vandalism started to eat away at the structure and it was evident, over time, that the mansion became uninhabited and abandoned and was slowly being consumed by the elements.
In the last year of our marriage I remember having the dream one last time, the house had literally crumbled down into piles of debris of wood and concrete and broken glass. It was as though the house, over the course of our marriage, had felt every conflict, every argument and eventually reflected a state of ruin that was the physical embodiment of our marriage.
I have only had a couple “series dreams” that I can remember in this life and I believe that they all connected somehow to a question or questions that needed answers. If that question occurred in this life, or ten lifetimes ago, remains to be understood.
Fears rooted in past lives
I have two dominant fears in my current life. A fear of open water, fear of being buried alive, and of being shot. The latter, of being shot, is not so much a fear as a familiarity to me which I will explain to you shortly.
First a fear of open water. I have never been a fan of open water. I know, that is strange since I find that living in Kincardine, next to Lake Huron, feels like ‘home’ to me. I believe that feeling stems from the energy in the area and its effects which I will write about another day.
My fear of open water is notable only when I am out on it in a boat or something smaller than a fishing trolley. I have been on a passenger ferry a few times and not been bothered at all standing on the deck in the wind staring down at the icy cold water, put me in a row boat or a canoe and it is a different story. Now, do not get me wrong, I can travel in any watercraft but there is always the fear that it might tip over and deposit me into the water where I will be drowned. I do not think the fear is my own. I believe that I picked up on the fate of a drowned sailor and the residual sensations are still with me even fifteen years later. I think this fear prevents me from going into any water that is not controlled by the landscape and I can not see the bottom of from shore.
The fear of being buried alive I believe comes from one of my past lives. I do not know all the details but I get the sensation that I was locked in a space so confining that it felt like being buried alive. I was trapped in that space and I do not know, yet, to this day if I ever escaped or I died there. This fear rarely comes to the surface. I know that I do not like being confined or restrained in any way. When I was a teenager, for fun, I was rolled up in a carpet. I know, the things teenagers do for fun eh. I remember that I experienced what could be described as a mild anxiety attack until my peers helped me to get out of the carpet. I have been able to overcome most of this fear during the past twenty years by not only not placing myself in that situation but training my mind to understand that most restraints are temporary and, at least, mentally can be removed if not physically. The only time this fear prevented me from doing something in real life was during a class trip back in the 90s. We visited the public works facility, I am not even sure why, and part of the tour was the option to go down a ladder into a shaft that went about fifty feet underground. I opted to remain on the surface, as did others, because of this underlying and unfounded fear of being trapped there.
The last is a sensation or belief that I was shot in a past life and died because of that injury. I recalled the past life vision, back in the mid 00s, after drinking too much one night and finding myself unwillingly susceptible to the memories.
Recalling a past life memory
In my previous, my last lifetime before this one, I believe that I worked as a law enforcement officer in the south-western United States in Arizona or New Mexico. I am not certain what agency I worked for but I think it was something like an FBI or State agency as opposed to a small-town cop. In my vision, I lived in a single floor ranch style home in a nice suburb. From the street, it had a driveway and maybe a garage on the left end of the front. It was not a bright colour, maybe a pale yellow, with white trim. It appeared to be the late fifties perhaps or maybe early sixties based on the vehicles parked on the street. It was a nice sunny day, blue skies, low humidity and bright out but I could see the lawns and houses across the street. As I stepped out of my front door with a briefcase in my hand a man walked up the front lawn toward me. He was dressed in overalls, maybe a blue shirt, clean shaven, groomed hair. I remember I went to ask him what he was doing there when he raised his left arm and hand to reveal a handgun. It was black. I remember something like a flash and everything went dark. I died within minutes. I think the bullet hit my body just below my heart near the last rib. I do not know this for certain but it would explain some things today.
I know that when I had the past life recall a friend of mine was with me and I kept asking “why did he shoot me, why did he do it” over and over. I do not think I knew the man and it literally caught me by surprise. I felt a great sadness, not so much for the loss of my life, but for the lack of understanding as to why he had done it. The vision continues to live in the back of my mind with the other ‘past life memories’ that reside there.
The law enforcement officer life is instrumental in my belief of ‘soul circles’. My soul brother once told me he believed that he was a hippy in his past life. I believe that, at that time, our paths crossed because I had either arrested him or threatened to. Another friend of mine, in my soul circle today as a soul friend was either a dancer, stripper or entertainer in her past life and through whatever means our paths crossed as well, though with her I believe our lives have intertwined many times in the past. In each past life intervention, I believe I have tried to help her break away from her fate and in each attempt, I have ultimately failed.
I have two more past life memories that are not clear to me. The first I was a merchant or trader back in the medieval times. I am not sure if it was in fact the medieval times, but it was that crude rural pastoral time, quite possibly in England or Ireland. It is only because of the familiarity I feel with that particular time period. The other memory, far vaguer than the first one, I was working on a farm. I am not certain though if that was indeed a past memory or I picked up on residual energy as I drove past a farm one day.
So, before I ramble on too much longer that is a brief look into dreams with meaningful life connections and past life memories recalled. Questions?
May 22, 2017
I am usually a very tolerant person of someone’s ignorance, even when it is proven they are wrong and they continue to argue I simply step away, let them burn out and then rejoin them when they are ready to deal with reality. I am tolerant in that I accept and maintain this merry-go-round attitude again and again until finally either our paths drift apart or they realize their mistakes and grow.
It may sound cocky or egotistical but that would only be the case if I attempted to present my own views without their comments to support them. I am talking specifically about situations where people will argue up and down they did not mean the thing they said but when you call them on it they pretend like it never existed to begin with. I find this “ignore it and it will go away” attitude to be both immature and ineffective. How can anything be resolved, be learned from, and move on from if one party involved simply decides that the original issue or something said does not exist – even when it is in black and white.
In recent years, and perhaps influenced by my short life in Alberta, I have grown a filter that does not tolerate these people and accept them for their faults so much as block them out entirely. I have learned that some people just can not be given information that might help them, or even me, to grow and evolve and that is okay with me. I am realizing, just this month that I do not need to tolerate or accept these people into my life or continue to maintain them in my life. They are clearly on a different level of experience and awareness, be it further along or further back than I am, and attempting to keep in pace with them does not help me in any way.
This week I chose to block someone who I have been friends with online for about a year now. It was not an easy decision at first. They are very set in their opinions and when reality does not mesh with them they become insulting and play out the ‘poor me’ drama. Basically the ‘poor me’ person, when they are challenged in a way that attacks their personal stance on something, will immediately play out the victim card. They select something in their lives, usually an economic or health situation, to use as a defense for their negativity and unsubstantiated position. In the past, twice now, I have stepped away from this person only to accept their challenges as an excuse and accept them back into my life again. This will not happen a third time.
This time I chose to block them once and for all. I am not sorry that I had to and while it is nice to have one more friend here or there, than I did before, there are seven billion other potential friends on the planet who might not become so personally offended by their opinions being challenged.
Was I right? Did I prove my point? Who cares! The point is that I do not need to prove when that other individual is at fault, even though I did. I do not need to keep accepting that person back into my world if they refuse to appreciate my role within it. I do not need to waste any more time on them. They clearly are not accepting of what I say and that is fine. I do not feel that I should continue this course with them. Oh well. Life goes on, and so it shall.
May 13, 2017
I am heading down a path now that I believe is a positive one that will, eventually, bring some stability and direction to my life.
It was a rural road intersection somewhere in Saskatchewan that I first felt that heading back to Ontario for a visit was a good thing to do. I have been very homesick for my home province, my friends and family members and the familiarity of south-western Ontario where I’ve spent much of my life. I have been thinking a lot lately about my plans for the immediate future. I was a bit concerned that I might be relying too much on faith to bring me happiness but at that moment I started to feel like I was moving forward.
I have made a few decisions while I have been here on vacation (vacation meaning I am not drawing any Employment Insurance during) and some changes are starting to happen in my life.
I had made every effort I could to make Alberta my home but I just never truly felt ‘at home’ there. I have a couple theories as to why but they do not really matter so I will not bother writing about them here. The point is that I feel I belong, at least for now, back in Ontario.
For now, I am a ‘temporary resident’ until I get everything sorted for an official move back here. Once I establish an address and, hopefully only temporarily, start drawing on employment insurance again I will need to make it all official. The jobless rate is significantly lower here than it now is in Alberta so, like over nineteen thousand people last year, it was time for me to return home to Ontario. It may seem like an easy thing to do, after all Alberta and Ontario are provinces in the same country but sometimes it feels like you are moving to another planet when it comes to paperwork. I am not going to dwell on that in this entry though, I want to tell you about a couple more moments of insightfulness I have had lately.
I have been here since the 2nd of May so the other stories I should tell you may seem to jump around a bit. It does not really matter when they happened suffice to say that they all happened following my arrival in Ontario.
The other day I visited a friend of mine where I will be staying starting next week. Now, I will preface this story with the fact that I have been reading The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, for the second time, so story could be attributed to several factors that are enhanced by reading that novel.
I was sitting for a few minutes, alone on the front porch, and thinking about my decision to stay at my friends’ place. I asked myself if the shift in my path was the right one for me.
I looked around and everything in the yard, the trees, the grass, and even the material items like a vehicle and a lawn chair, had a sharp almost crystal clear look to them. This was unusual, but not, because my glasses are not the most accurate prescription for me and add a couple years’ scratches and all too often there is a slight blur to things.
I say it is not entirely unusual because of the book I am reading. I have had and have experience in seeing the world as it was meant to be seen. In that moment, I felt and saw a clarity that could not be denied. I knew right then that I was supposed to be there. It was not the first time I had ‘felt’ something like this in my life but I will go into that another time.
In the past two weeks, I have felt several times that I had returned ‘home’ that the roads and streets and avenues I drove down felt comforting to me. And there is the reconnection to friends, no more emailing and messaging from thousands of kilometres away, now, money willing, I can drive just an hour or two to see them again.
In that moment, on the porch, I saw things with the same clarity I had on the day I asked my ex- for a divorce. I recall telling her, then getting in my car and driving to the store. I remember how all the trees and plants and everything was so clear and sharp, like I was seeing the world with new eyes. I understood then, as I do now, that this clarity means I had chosen wisely of some decision presented to me.
I was planning a day out in the park and my father and I were talking about how the trilliums would be in bloom soon. Now, around here about ninety-nine-point five percent of the trilliums are white, it is why the trillium is Ontario’s official flower (at least it was when I went to school, who knows now). It is very rare to see a red trillium. We talked about it briefly and I thought to myself ‘I would like to see a red one, it would make a great photo’.
I went first to Harrison Park, then drove over to Inglis Falls to take some nature photos. I discovered that they had expanded the trail system beyond the bridge and into the forest and while I was short on time I decided to take a short walk down the path. It was maybe twenty metres along that I looked off to the right and there it was – the only trillium open actually – a red trillium. Not only was it the only trillium in sight in bloom but a red one. Coincidence? Perhaps. I will note that, today, a week later, I have seen several stands of trees (over ten) filled with white trillium blooms. This one rare red one was chance that I happened to be there that day and close enough to the path to get a great close-up photo of it.
Yesterday I was at Sauble Falls and decided that, since I paid $5.25 to park in a Provincial Park (I thought park admissions were supposed to be free this year, I guess they soak you on the parking fees instead, it was better than the $15.75 they wanted for an ‘all day’ pass on the other side of the river) that I would use all my two hours I paid for. I got out my copy of the Celestine Prophecy and did some reading. At one moment, I looked up toward the forest in front of my truck. The sunlight was beaming down through the trees to the underbrush and pine needles and everything appeared clear and clean. I felt a connection to the forest that I rarely ever felt in the past few years, I can not recall the last time I took a walk in the forest in Alberta. I missed the connection I always felt in the forest and here it was right in front of me once again.
The other day I was in Harrison Park and I sat for a few minutes to take photos of Canada Geese. I have always had an ability to communicate with animals (deer, dogs, cats), and with birds (ravens, geese, and chickadees though they might just be particularly friendly by nature). Through a brief conversation of reassuring words to them the geese allowed me to sit within only a couple metres of them and their young goslings. I took several photos that I will be posting in my collection on Flickr as soon as I have a decent internet connection. It was the second time I had been to the park in a week and taken the opportunity to chat with and photograph the local geese.
I can not recall any more times right now and it is very late. I want to get some more reading done before bed so I will end this off for now.
Follow your bliss.
Distance Traveled 3,600 kilometres
Fuel Consumed 424 Litres
Fuel purchased $ 495
Average fuel consumed 11.7 L per 100 kms
Food purchased $ 59
Active Driving Hours 40
Most common weather: rain
Total hawks spotted Red Deer to Alberta/Saskatchewan border: 28
I didn’t really do a lot of reflective thinking during my drive to Ontario. I tend to be one of those drivers that when I have somewhere to be I am focused on achieving that goal and very little else. I did mark the point east at which I felt “good” about the trip and my plans for the immediate future – Highway 16/365 Plunkett turnoff in Saskatchewan.
I found that in Alberta going east a lot of drivers were from Saskatchewan and Manitoba. In Saskatchewan, the most speeders were from Saskatchewan and the most common vehicles to pass me were from Manitoba. In eastern Manitoba, many drivers were from Ontario and they were usually speeding.
Manitoba was the most “driver friendly” province with several posted rest areas that were accessible and several included facilities. I drove from Red Deer, Alberta with the intent to reach Headingley, Manitoba, about 1,200 kilometres, but decided to stop at the Anton’s Lake Rest Area for the night. I think that there were three other cars there and you could tell they had people sleeping in them. I totally support Rest Areas that allow short term stays to give drivers a chance to sleep so they aren’t driving while tired.
Saskatchewan was barren of any real features and like the Manitoba drivers I couldn’t wait to get out of that province. It seems that everyone just wants to get home. In Saskatchewan, it appeared to be the worst, but people frequently passed me because I locked cruise control on or just around the speed limit for the entire trip. The most hazards on the road appeared to be from farm vehicles randomly entering and leaving the highways, though this time through I noticed there were less.
In my travel, east of Headingley, Manitoba into Ontario most of the traffic was going west-bound and at times it was many kilometres before I encountered vehicles in my lane behind or in front of me. Ontario seemed to be concerned with tried drivers, posting several signs that read “Fatigue kills Take a Rest”.
The problem is they provided no designated areas for drivers to rest. Until I reached Thunder Bay the only pull over places were “snow-plow turn around area – no parking” even though at night many semis would park in these turnabouts and cars did during the day, like me, to grab something or text or whatever. But these were not official rest areas and in the winter, you’d be fined for parking in them. And, they were not marked ahead of time so you didn’t see them until it was too late. I remember once stretch, where I wanted to pull off and stop, I passed by six turnabouts in the west bound side and only two on the east bound side. I managed to catch the second just as I got up to it and swerved into it. But I must ask the Ontario Ministry of Transportation ‘how does a “tired” driver rest if there’s nowhere to stop’? It can be several hundred kilometres between communities that I would even dare stop in. I’m sorry but when you pass through a hamlet where all of the homes are either run down or abandoned I would rather take my chances out on the open road with only trees and wildlife nearby.
After Thunder Bay, I came across several more road-side parks and lookouts, but they were about two-thirds still closed and filled with snow and ice. I remember around Agawa Lake there were a couple that were open and you could stop, but they were hard enough to see during the day.
The worst speeders were semi-truck drivers, but only when it started to get dark. In Ontario, they had a sign stating that “Large trucks must use speed limiters” as soon as you crossed into the province but they must all be set at 160kmh because semi’s frequently drove between 110 to 140 in a 90 zone. The law does not appear to penalize drivers until they are going 115kmh, 3 points and $95, according to the signs posted frequently along the highways. The law seemed equally concerned with drivers going 50kmh over the speed limit and warned of vehicle seizure and hefty fines. Just like cars they will take dangerous risks at night to pass other drivers.
I noticed that during the day the semi truck drivers are far more responsible, in Ontario at least, this is probably because it was the only time the OPP would stop them. In 3,600 kilometres of travel I saw the police at two traffic stops. The first was in Red Deer, the second was in Northern Ontario where they had pulled over a truck pulling a flat bed trailer with a load on it. I drove through two communities in Northern Ontario where the cops sat at the entry and exit or mid way and edge of the towns.
Two semi drivers were annoying during my trip, well three. But two tail-gated me for a marked ten kilometres as I drove one hundred kilometres an hour. One ended up passing me on a solid line after about seven kilometres while the other tried to pass in the appropriate zone but didn’t have the balls to really floor it. I had to cancel my cruise control and slow down to almost seventy just for him to get by.
Semi and car drivers don’t seem to grasp that when you have cruise control on it will respond to a hill in a very specific way. First it hits the bottom of the hill, say at ninety, and the drag will slow you down to about eighty. As you climb the hill it changes gears and the vehicle accelerates to about five or so over the setting. This is the same as it would be if you pushed your foot on the gas.
The problem is, you get these butthead drivers who just spent the last ten kilometres tailgating you then seem to be offended by the fact you just sped up. I’m not sorry but that is simply how a vehicle on cruise control responds to a hill. I despise drivers who are so eager to pass and then don’t have the balls to do it when the opportunities are there. In this case, it was on a hill, but if you can’t pass when you want to then you shouldn’t try speeding either. The irony is the highway engineers put passing lanes on hills so that cars can pass slower semis, but in Ontario the semis were speeding and would pass slower car drivers up the hills.
The third semi driver was dangerous. I caught him on video and I will be posting it later. I will point out this next incident is a reason you should never text and drive and why your attention should always be focused on the conditions around you. This happened on April 30, 2017 on Highway 17 I think it is at that point. It was between Thunder Bay and Silver Lake Road. It was a gold cab, similar in colour to a Bison one but not a Bison one, with a white trailer with the name Ocean on it in small black letters in the top left corner of the side panel.
I was traveling down a two-lane twinned highway. A wine-red cab semi truck approached me from behind, we were in the outside lane, and he safely changed into the left inside lane. His intention was to proceed about 1km further then turn left off the highway, no problem there.
We got up to the turn off the highway and he slowed to a stop to turn left. I was approaching him from the right outside lane and everything was fine. The wine-red semi paused as a second gold-tone semi approached from the left from another cross-road. The second gold-tone semi crossed the other two west-bound lanes went through the median lane at about 60kmh and was going too fast to get into the left inside lane east so he jerk-swerved into my right outside lane. The same lane I was doing 95kmh in. He then couldn’t build up the speed plus I’m sure the truck was vibrating from his unsafe maneuver and since I had less that a hundred metres warning I braked and swerved into the left inside lane to avoid him. I looked back in my rear-view mirror when I got back into the right outside lane and could see him jerk the wheel once again like he was avoiding something on the road that wasn’t there. Thinking back now it might have been either he thought something was there or the load shifted a bit and he felt it in the cab.
He had not only taken the on-ramp too fast for a semi but he also cut off the left turning semi and then cut me off. I drove ahead for a while, then after about thirty kilometres I pulled over to check my camera and discovered I had caught the incident. He passed by, while I was parked alongside the road, and I got a couple more details off his trailer. I doubt I can identify him but I’ll share it because it shows the importance of having a dash camera in your vehicle.
Now, it is a lot complaining, but I offer two solutions.
The first thing I will say is, the solution to the speeding semis is simple. Slow the hell down! I think it’s complete BS that the rules state the trucks must have limiters when it is clear they don’t or they are set far too high. When the speed limit at most in Ontario is 110 kilometres an hour how is it that a semi can drive 145. And the police clearly do nothing to stop them. I think that the police know, at night, semis are hauling goods across the country and I guess figure if they crash and die it’s not as serious as during the day when there are more cars on the roads.
I’m a little bitter of both semi drivers after my vacation back in 2015. I’ll explain. I recall the first time I drove through Northern Ontario at night. It was insane. The semis were driving between 110 and 140 kilometres an hour and tailgating me. I wasn’t driving the speed limit, let’s just leave it at that. I recall stopping at a gas station and hearing two drivers complaining about a van they had encountered on the highway. I kept my mouth shut but my guess is the van was going the speed limit and they were trying to go much faster. I’ve told everyone, and continue to, don’t drive in Northern Ontario at night unless you want to get run down by semi-drivers. It is a no-holds-barred run on the highways and unless you are a good driver and don’t mind risk breaking the speed limits or having semis tailgating you, you will not enjoy it.
At night, I drove through one community with two police cruisers in it, Ignace, Ontario. The first cop was in the main part of town near the fuel stops and I think was checking for speeding. A nice straight clear visible stretch of road. The second cop was on the edge of town, all his lights off (maybe he was asleep) tucked off the side of the road in the dark. I think that was one of only two speed traps I saw the entire trip. I did have a cop tail me at one point along the highway but my cruise control was set at about eight-seven and he quickly left me alone. So yeah, my solution is that semi-truck drivers, at night, need to slow down.
My other solution, to the lack of rest areas is, that I will endorse is one chain of fueling stations. The most awesome Husky Travel Centres. T hose of you who know me know that I very rarely endorse any product or service. I guess I’m a real stickler for quality and affordability and not often do I find things that meet my higher standards.
They are built for drivers. During my trip, I stopped at Travel Centres in Headingley, Manitoba; Thunder Bay, Ontario; Dryden, Ontario; Nipigon, Ontario; and Sudbury, Ontario. I think every city should have one plus any large community built on a main highway that sees a lot of semi traffic.
If I won the lottery when I was living in west country that is what I would have built in Nordegg. The Travel Centres offer gas, diesel and propane for cars and semis. They have a convenience store, public washrooms, member showers and a restaurant.
The parking lot is, usually, clearly marked where the cars and semis should park and they are well lit at night. It is posted “maximum 8 hours stay” and for “customers only” but really all you need to do to be a customer is buy a coffee or a snack or fuel. I never stay at a hotel when I’m driving to and from Ontario. I can sleep in my SUV and save $75-125 a night and not have to worry about what was taking place in that bed before I got there. I saw people parked, to sleep, in everything from a Honda Civic to a thirty-foot long RV, most appear to have more than enough parking for a few dozen vehicles.
The food at a Husky Travel Centre is what I would call “highway burgers” but when you are traveling long distances it’s decent enough to fill you up. I don’t think it’s in every province yet but in one I remember every fresh product and the restaurant menu stated how many calories were in the item. I ate once at the restaurant, hamburger steak with fries and mixed veggies (corn, peas, carrots) and a coffee it came to about $23 with tip.
You can get a Husky card, and use it on everything to accumulate points and save on gas, food, showers, et cetera. When I first traveled out west I stopped at Husky only and got enough points for a few free showers and a couple discounts on fuel – not bad.
I won’t always praise the cleanliness of a couple of these, in fact one I know of had its showers condemned due to black mould, but I will, overall, endorse their convenience and services. I’m sure they exist but I can’t say I’ve met a bad employee at a Husky Travel Centre. In fact, the one I bought a couple snacks and it came up to $13 something. The employee caught his mistake and stopped me before I paid, adjusting it down to $9 something. He said to me, “at least I caught it before you paid” and I told him “at least you told me you’d made the mistake” as some less honest clerks might not have bothered.
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